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applecameronTitle: "Facing The Stars"
Author: SV, 1998.
an R-rated Star Trek: Voyager vignette
Episode followup, no spoilers.
Reprinted by the express permission of the author.
Chakotay almost lost it in the moment when she tipped her head back, closing her eyes briefly as she listened to his voice. As he gently, terribly, reminded her of the pains, the simple sorrows encapsulated in the last few days. He almost lost it at the sight of her bared throat, the nakedness and the intimacy of the act drawing a (hopefully) inaudible gasp from him.
But he kept talking, and Neelix saved him, in his own strange way. The things Janeway said, that she had used Mark as an excuse in some ways -- admitting what he'd seen for so long -- holding herself distant by virtue of her rank and...'involved'...status. No longer. So far away from their ancestor's bones.
The things he wanted to do to her, with her, for her, shocked him in a sudden rush. How quickly it all came when he didn't keep his guard up. So close to the surface.
But walking the captain to her quarters afterward had been a very, very bad idea.
Chakotay toughed it out, reminding Janeway, in the wake of the party, that he was there for her, supporting her, standing before the door to her quarters. Avoiding the opportunity for her to ask him in for a nightcap.
He *had* to decline. Must. Wanted too much, too soon, Kathryn had to be allowed to grieve, to elect to rebuild. And even then....well, it was always possible that he wouldn't have a chance even then.
He managed to decline, barely, when she did finally ask him in. Saying for the nth time that she wasn't alone out here in the dark, all the crew was with her. The reality of Voyager was still there, hanging with her in the jewelled night.
Made it back, alive, in control, to his quarters. Sat in the dark and pondered -- let himself see it, just this once -- exactly what he wanted to do with the woman he'd just left. With Kathryn.
To love her gently, tremendously gently, and pull out the laughter that rested under her skin. Just by touching it the right way. He wanted to see her smile, instead of that pained look that meant suppressed tears. Kiss the palm of her hand, just to see, just to see if it was as perfect as he imagined. All the things that lay ahead, they could share.
"Kathryn."
It was too much to bear, and Chakotay stood, facing the stars. And thought, perhaps, the captain might be standing in her quarters facing the same stars. Pondering.
They could share that, for now.
Author: SV, 1998.
an R-rated Star Trek: Voyager vignette
Episode followup, no spoilers.
Reprinted by the express permission of the author.
Chakotay almost lost it in the moment when she tipped her head back, closing her eyes briefly as she listened to his voice. As he gently, terribly, reminded her of the pains, the simple sorrows encapsulated in the last few days. He almost lost it at the sight of her bared throat, the nakedness and the intimacy of the act drawing a (hopefully) inaudible gasp from him.
But he kept talking, and Neelix saved him, in his own strange way. The things Janeway said, that she had used Mark as an excuse in some ways -- admitting what he'd seen for so long -- holding herself distant by virtue of her rank and...'involved'...status. No longer. So far away from their ancestor's bones.
The things he wanted to do to her, with her, for her, shocked him in a sudden rush. How quickly it all came when he didn't keep his guard up. So close to the surface.
But walking the captain to her quarters afterward had been a very, very bad idea.
Chakotay toughed it out, reminding Janeway, in the wake of the party, that he was there for her, supporting her, standing before the door to her quarters. Avoiding the opportunity for her to ask him in for a nightcap.
He *had* to decline. Must. Wanted too much, too soon, Kathryn had to be allowed to grieve, to elect to rebuild. And even then....well, it was always possible that he wouldn't have a chance even then.
He managed to decline, barely, when she did finally ask him in. Saying for the nth time that she wasn't alone out here in the dark, all the crew was with her. The reality of Voyager was still there, hanging with her in the jewelled night.
Made it back, alive, in control, to his quarters. Sat in the dark and pondered -- let himself see it, just this once -- exactly what he wanted to do with the woman he'd just left. With Kathryn.
To love her gently, tremendously gently, and pull out the laughter that rested under her skin. Just by touching it the right way. He wanted to see her smile, instead of that pained look that meant suppressed tears. Kiss the palm of her hand, just to see, just to see if it was as perfect as he imagined. All the things that lay ahead, they could share.
"Kathryn."
It was too much to bear, and Chakotay stood, facing the stars. And thought, perhaps, the captain might be standing in her quarters facing the same stars. Pondering.
They could share that, for now.