Spam (SG-1, team, vignette, humor)
Apr. 7th, 2005 05:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
applecameronTitle: Spam
Author: Apple Cameron, April 2005
no spoilers, no nothing. Humor.
"I don't like it."
Daniel ignored him, throwing caloric caution to the wind and putting heavy cream in his coffee. "Too much at once gets salty." He slurped, pondered, and added a dash of pepper to the cup. Jack just watched. Teal'C watched them all, loving them over the breakfast table.
"Jesus, does everything you eat have to be spicy?"
"Cinnamon, pepper, and cream, Jack. It tastes great." He sipped. "And, to answer your question, yes."
Sam was scrubbing a potato as she spoke. "I thought I'd chop it fine, like a hash, and mix it with the potatoes and onions. That way you can all have your eggs the way you like them."
"I don't like it." Jack repeated.
"Oh, come on, a little salt is good for you."
"This from the woman who thinks blue jello is a fruit."
Sam didn't turn around. "It is. Besides, when have you worried about your USRDA of anything?"
Jack sniffed and sipped his own coffee. Black. No cream, no cinnamon, no pepper. Simple. Possibly even classy.
"You know," Daniel weighed in, "in Korea, SPAM's a delicacy."
Sam still had her back to everyone, chopping industriously. "Roomie of mine was Hawaiian. She got me hooked on SPAM and eggs." An onion rustled out of its mesh bag. "Were you stationed there, sir? Korea, I mean?"
"Well, I was there." Jack took a long drink of the coffee, as if washing a taste out of his mouth. "I forget what for. It was horrible. I was the honored guest, you know? And someone told them I didn't like shellfish and that got translated into all fish, and the next thing you know --"
"You don't like shellfish?"
"No."
"Not even shrimp?"
"No."
"But you've eaten my shrimp. I've seen you."
Sam turned around, knife in one hand, onion in the other. "Oh, no, he just shoves the shrimp around and then puts them on my plate."
"Jesus, Jack, what kind of barbarian are you?"
"Hey, more shrimp for me. I'm not complaining." She turned and resumed chopping.
"Look, do I get to finish my story, or what?"
Daniel bowed obsequiously without getting up.
"Thank you. So, there I am, guest of honor everywhere I go, they think I can't eat fish, so of course they serve me SPAM. Again. And again. And again." He shuddered dramatically. "It was horrible."
"Wow, you passed through The Valley of the Shadow of SPAM." You could hear the capital letters as Daniel spoke. "How Biblical."
Jack just slitted eyes at him in answer.
Cutting to the chase, "Am I to understand you desire SPAM and eggs without so much SPAM in it, O'Neill?" Teal'C asked.
That got suppressed giggles from the Monty Python fans in the room.
"I'll have his SPAM." Daniel offered, grinning.
Author: Apple Cameron, April 2005
no spoilers, no nothing. Humor.
"I don't like it."
Daniel ignored him, throwing caloric caution to the wind and putting heavy cream in his coffee. "Too much at once gets salty." He slurped, pondered, and added a dash of pepper to the cup. Jack just watched. Teal'C watched them all, loving them over the breakfast table.
"Jesus, does everything you eat have to be spicy?"
"Cinnamon, pepper, and cream, Jack. It tastes great." He sipped. "And, to answer your question, yes."
Sam was scrubbing a potato as she spoke. "I thought I'd chop it fine, like a hash, and mix it with the potatoes and onions. That way you can all have your eggs the way you like them."
"I don't like it." Jack repeated.
"Oh, come on, a little salt is good for you."
"This from the woman who thinks blue jello is a fruit."
Sam didn't turn around. "It is. Besides, when have you worried about your USRDA of anything?"
Jack sniffed and sipped his own coffee. Black. No cream, no cinnamon, no pepper. Simple. Possibly even classy.
"You know," Daniel weighed in, "in Korea, SPAM's a delicacy."
Sam still had her back to everyone, chopping industriously. "Roomie of mine was Hawaiian. She got me hooked on SPAM and eggs." An onion rustled out of its mesh bag. "Were you stationed there, sir? Korea, I mean?"
"Well, I was there." Jack took a long drink of the coffee, as if washing a taste out of his mouth. "I forget what for. It was horrible. I was the honored guest, you know? And someone told them I didn't like shellfish and that got translated into all fish, and the next thing you know --"
"You don't like shellfish?"
"No."
"Not even shrimp?"
"No."
"But you've eaten my shrimp. I've seen you."
Sam turned around, knife in one hand, onion in the other. "Oh, no, he just shoves the shrimp around and then puts them on my plate."
"Jesus, Jack, what kind of barbarian are you?"
"Hey, more shrimp for me. I'm not complaining." She turned and resumed chopping.
"Look, do I get to finish my story, or what?"
Daniel bowed obsequiously without getting up.
"Thank you. So, there I am, guest of honor everywhere I go, they think I can't eat fish, so of course they serve me SPAM. Again. And again. And again." He shuddered dramatically. "It was horrible."
"Wow, you passed through The Valley of the Shadow of SPAM." You could hear the capital letters as Daniel spoke. "How Biblical."
Jack just slitted eyes at him in answer.
Cutting to the chase, "Am I to understand you desire SPAM and eggs without so much SPAM in it, O'Neill?" Teal'C asked.
That got suppressed giggles from the Monty Python fans in the room.
"I'll have his SPAM." Daniel offered, grinning.
