The Wank Skit

[applecameron]

Don't ask. I'm feeling goofy and someone said wank, somewhere, and I heard 'spam'. Things snowballed from there. My brain is only half on.



Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and wank; egg bacon and wank; egg bacon sausage and wank; wank bacon sausage and wank; wank egg wank wank bacon and wank; wank sausage wank wank bacon wank tomato and wank;
Vikings (starting to chant): Wank wank wank wank...
Waitress: ...wank wank wank egg and wank; wank wank wank wank wank wank baked beans wank wank wank...
Vikings (singing): Wank! Lovely wank! Lovely wank!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and wank.
Wife: Have you got anything without wank?
Waitress: Well, there's wank egg sausage and wank, that's not got much wank in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY wank!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon wank and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got wank in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much wank in it as wank egg sausage and wank, has it?
Vikings: Wank wank wank wank (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon wank and sausage without the wank then?
Waitress: Eewwww!
Wife: What do you mean 'Eewwww'? I don't like wank!
Vikings: Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon wank and sausage without the wank.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like wank!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your wank. I love it. I'm having wank wank wank wank wank wank wank baked beans wank wank wank and wank!
Vikings (singing): Wank wank wank wank. Lovely wank! Wonderful wank!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her wank instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean wank wank wank wank wank wank... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Wank wank wank wank. Lovely wank! Wonderful wank! Wank wa-a-a-a-a-nk wank wa-a-a-a-a-nk wank. Lovely wank! Lovely wank! Lovely wank! Lovely wank! Lovely wank! Wank wank wank wank!



Original text, http://home.triad.rr.com/spamchef/spamskit.html