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applecameronAuthor: Apple Cameron
Title: The Little Guy's Point of View
Fandom: Starsky and Hutch
Spoilers: "Death Ride", season 1 -- MAJOR plot points
Keywords: humor, bad guy's POV
The Little Guy's Point of View
by Apple Cameron
"Shaddap, already." That was Whitey. "What are you, in love with the guy?"
The new kid sat down. "Who in love? Wha?"
The old guy leaned forward and lit his cigarette. "Well, I'll tell ya, kid."
There was a chorus of groans and someone bopped the new kid on the back of his head with a muttered "dammit".
"This is before your time, kid. There's a guy who used to run the town, but his daughter was clean, you know? This was back in the old days, before people got ideas about rubbing out whole neighborhoods." There was a moment of silence for the lost honor of thieves. "So, anyway, we get lined up to nab her, so the big guys can keep Daddy from testifying."
"He turned state's evidence?"
Whitey said, "oooh, look at the new kid, he slings the lingo already!"
"Whatever, kid. We go up to San Fran to put the arm on her. Got me? We tail a cab out from the airport, and these two regular-looking guys roll out and fetch her and we wait until they're on the highway headed back before things get serious. We stop the car and have ourselves a nice little shootout. One of my guys takes it in the leg, and everyone but this one cop, this Starsky guy, 's running off into a cornfield. We're bustin' up the cab somethin' fierce, and he gets in and drives the sucker through the corn!"
"Whoa." Says new kid.
"Oh, that's just the beginning. He picks up his partner and the dame and the cabbie and they light on out. We're still gettin' our act together when he dumps the cabbie on the side of the road, so we don't catch up with them until some place up in the hills. I forget where. They hide the cab in the shop at some pissant gas station, and this Starsky is stuffing his face on the blue plate special at the diner next door when they spot us rolling up."
New kid, "yeah?"
"Cool as a cucumber, he nips on out the back with his partner, this blond pretty-boy type. You know what I mean."
Everyone went "ooooooooo" in unison.
"Shaddap", said Whitey.
"We're right on top of them. They can't take the cab. We know they're close. I can practically smell 'em. Well, they make some deal with the old guy who runs the shop, and he takes off. They need a car. This guy, I swear to you he has the biggest cojones this side of the world, they get the old guy to give 'em the van out in front of his shop. I'm standin' something like 5 feet away when he just rolls under the van and starts cracking on the underside of it with a rock, making like he's workin' on it!"
New kid's "whoa" was a lot more appreciative this time.
"So, I'm lookin' for the old guy and startin' to get pissed off. I want some gas, right? I'm trying to make a dishonest wage, here. So, I walk over to this guy underneath the van, banging away on it, and I tell him I need a fillup. He sticks his cowboy boot in my face and tells me to go talk to Jensen."
He took a puff and new kid leaned in, itchin for more.
"I tell him I can't find Jensen."
New kid: "then what happened?"
"I'm gonna tell ya'."
"Oh, he'll tell ya'." Whitey.
"I tell him I can't find Jensen. All I want is a fillup, and I think he's Joe Schmoe, right? I just want my gas. He says to me, this is what he says to me. He says to me, 'Don't tell me your troubles, I don't even work here!'" This was the apex of cojones, the absolute pinnacle of bluff. "He don't even work there!"
New kid was really into it now, eyes wide. "No kidding."
"Kid, I shit you not." The guy known on D-Block as Corky took a drag on his cigarette. "All the while, and, you gotta picture this," he held up both hands like he was framing the picture in his mind. "All the while, he knows we're armed to the teeth, and he just keeps bangin' on the underside of that goddamn van with a goddamn rock!"
New kid burst into applause.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that Starsky character, he must use a wheelbarrow to cart around his cojones, they're that big." He polished off the cigarette. "My right hand to God, every word the truth."
Title: The Little Guy's Point of View
Fandom: Starsky and Hutch
Spoilers: "Death Ride", season 1 -- MAJOR plot points
Keywords: humor, bad guy's POV
The Little Guy's Point of View
by Apple Cameron
"Shaddap, already." That was Whitey. "What are you, in love with the guy?"
The new kid sat down. "Who in love? Wha?"
The old guy leaned forward and lit his cigarette. "Well, I'll tell ya, kid."
There was a chorus of groans and someone bopped the new kid on the back of his head with a muttered "dammit".
"This is before your time, kid. There's a guy who used to run the town, but his daughter was clean, you know? This was back in the old days, before people got ideas about rubbing out whole neighborhoods." There was a moment of silence for the lost honor of thieves. "So, anyway, we get lined up to nab her, so the big guys can keep Daddy from testifying."
"He turned state's evidence?"
Whitey said, "oooh, look at the new kid, he slings the lingo already!"
"Whatever, kid. We go up to San Fran to put the arm on her. Got me? We tail a cab out from the airport, and these two regular-looking guys roll out and fetch her and we wait until they're on the highway headed back before things get serious. We stop the car and have ourselves a nice little shootout. One of my guys takes it in the leg, and everyone but this one cop, this Starsky guy, 's running off into a cornfield. We're bustin' up the cab somethin' fierce, and he gets in and drives the sucker through the corn!"
"Whoa." Says new kid.
"Oh, that's just the beginning. He picks up his partner and the dame and the cabbie and they light on out. We're still gettin' our act together when he dumps the cabbie on the side of the road, so we don't catch up with them until some place up in the hills. I forget where. They hide the cab in the shop at some pissant gas station, and this Starsky is stuffing his face on the blue plate special at the diner next door when they spot us rolling up."
New kid, "yeah?"
"Cool as a cucumber, he nips on out the back with his partner, this blond pretty-boy type. You know what I mean."
Everyone went "ooooooooo" in unison.
"Shaddap", said Whitey.
"We're right on top of them. They can't take the cab. We know they're close. I can practically smell 'em. Well, they make some deal with the old guy who runs the shop, and he takes off. They need a car. This guy, I swear to you he has the biggest cojones this side of the world, they get the old guy to give 'em the van out in front of his shop. I'm standin' something like 5 feet away when he just rolls under the van and starts cracking on the underside of it with a rock, making like he's workin' on it!"
New kid's "whoa" was a lot more appreciative this time.
"So, I'm lookin' for the old guy and startin' to get pissed off. I want some gas, right? I'm trying to make a dishonest wage, here. So, I walk over to this guy underneath the van, banging away on it, and I tell him I need a fillup. He sticks his cowboy boot in my face and tells me to go talk to Jensen."
He took a puff and new kid leaned in, itchin for more.
"I tell him I can't find Jensen."
New kid: "then what happened?"
"I'm gonna tell ya'."
"Oh, he'll tell ya'." Whitey.
"I tell him I can't find Jensen. All I want is a fillup, and I think he's Joe Schmoe, right? I just want my gas. He says to me, this is what he says to me. He says to me, 'Don't tell me your troubles, I don't even work here!'" This was the apex of cojones, the absolute pinnacle of bluff. "He don't even work there!"
New kid was really into it now, eyes wide. "No kidding."
"Kid, I shit you not." The guy known on D-Block as Corky took a drag on his cigarette. "All the while, and, you gotta picture this," he held up both hands like he was framing the picture in his mind. "All the while, he knows we're armed to the teeth, and he just keeps bangin' on the underside of that goddamn van with a goddamn rock!"
New kid burst into applause.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that Starsky character, he must use a wheelbarrow to cart around his cojones, they're that big." He polished off the cigarette. "My right hand to God, every word the truth."